i am, i am.
I ignore your calls over and over, and you leave voicemail after voicemail.
you can tell me you want to see Eve all you want, you can tell me you love me all you want, you can tell me you want 'us' to work all you want, you can tell me you're financially going to help me all you want, but in reality not one of your words turn into actions.
I love you Leonardo, but i'm no in love with you.
I've let you go and gave you to God.
I pray for you every single day.
I pray that you'll become the best father to our girls.
I realized, i can forgive you for all that you've done to me and i have forgiven you.
But not one piece of me can forget what you put me through.
Not one piece of me can forget the hell i lived in just to satisfy you.
I can't forget, i can forgive but i can't forget.
My situation, where i'm at, is a constant reminder of what you did and are continuing to do to me.
How you've wronged me in ever sense of the term.
Not just me, but Eve and your soon to be daughter Emilia.
I can't even hold a conversation with you, because you end up cussing at me.
You're not trying to change at all.
I asked you for one thing, we've been apart since February and i'm asking you to buy the girls a double stroller and Emilia's carseat.
Total: $200.00
You said you'd help me when you got paid.
But of course like always, you say "I called you to give you the money but you didn't answer, so i had a carne asada and i spent it."
I always have a tiny bit of hope that maybe just maybe for once, you'll do something for the girls and keep your word.
But then again, it's you i'm talking about.
I can't depend on you for anything, never have been able to.
I just thought since you have a job now, maybe you'd help.
And if you'd help me financially i'd let you see Eve, but of course seeing your daughter isn't even enough motivation for you.
I hate myself every single day, for choosing you to father my children.
I was blind, but now i see.
But i was in my stage of rebellion, and for some reason it felt so good.
17 and living out of my parents house, doing drugs, partying, and of course the boyfriend i knew was no where near my boundary lines.
You weren't my style at all, you were from a krew/gang.
You were known around the valley.
I was pulled in by the challenge.
I was pulled in by the thrill.
I was pulled in by the lust.
I was pulled in by the drugs.
It's not exactly rocket science to get pregnant, and BAM!
two years later and we're on our second child.
I'm on my second child, alone of course.
While you roam the streets, drink away your nights, and live like you never had a kid.
The love is gone on both ends.
There comes a point when you have a baby or two, and sex can't keep you there anymore.
Sex can't keep you with the person.
No matter how good, the reality of it all and who you are pull me away.
I want nothing to do with you.
And i have nothing to do with you.
Nonother than when i feel like answering your calls every once in a while.
But that only leads to you cussing me out.
Because i'm an 8 month pregnant whore and everything.
According to you.
I don't answer your calls mbecause i don't want to.
It's not healthy for me to talk to you, and pretent like you're trying when you're not.
I'm done playing the game you play, i quit.
I really have.
You lost me in Febraury.
Forever.
I have no intentions on looking back.
I really hope you change and give your life to God, and let him take the wheel.
Your daughters need a father, and nonother than God you're their only one.
But i can't make you want anything you don't want.
I can't make anyone change that doesn't want to change.
I have faith that one day you will.
Well i'm tired, so as of right now i'm going to go to sleep.
Right next to Eve, on my little brothers bunk bed.
Yeah well it's better than nothing.
And i'm more than thankful for my parents and how much they've helped me.
I'm tired of disappointing them.
For once, i want to make them proud.
I want to be able to stand on my own two feet.
I want to break the cycle.
I don't want to settle for just any guy, even if i have to wait years.
I own my parents the world for what they've put up with, and what they are doing for me now.
I spoil them whenever i can, but it's not enough for me.
One day, i'll be able to show them somewhat but as for now i need to get ready for Emilias arrival.
Btw, her names decided; Emilia Jane Castro.
Even though it's his last name, i hate being a Leon, i would never want my daughters to have that name.
So since Leo is the father and everything, they can both have his name...ugh!
