I feel like our relationship is just an old pair of glasses I keep taping up to fix, but it just keeps falling apart.
No matter how much tape or glue I put, something always comes apart.
Is it time to just throw it all away?
Or do I invest in fixing this pair because I love it?
That's basically where I'm at right now.
Constantly let down, constantly hurt, and constantly overwhelmed.
There's never any relief on my end.
He doesn't do anything to ease my stress or help me with the kids.
He even complains about feeding Mila his own daughter.
It just hurts that he'll never love me enough to just see my struggle and want to help me.
I'm always alone, always doing things by myself.
When I ask him for help he's never willing, just complaining and dragging his feet along the way.
Me asking for help around the house or with the kids is considered nagging and annoying.
It's not logical.
My sex life isn't really all that exciting with him either so i don't know why I stay.
Always doggy style, never rough and all over the place like I like it.
And never face to face intimate.
Apparently my weight is what takes a toll on our estranged sex life, but I can recall being fucked the life out of by someone previous.
But okay, his excuses will suffice.
It's always my fault, everything is my fault.
But I mean how beautiful and wanted do you feel by your man (whose cheated on you for 8 months) when all he does is tell you how attractive you COULD BE if you lost a certain amount of weight.
I mean, if that isn't the epitome of what love is like then idk what is.
It pains me everyday sitting here trying to make him happy, giving him my all.
I mean I gave him my life in the most literal sense.
But I don't deserve help and I don't deserve to be loved and cherished.
God only knows what I've truly been through, and he's the only one that can pull me out of it alive.
I just wish I could know that once I left him, everything would be okay.
Hopefully the best it's ever been.
Because he will never love me how I deserve to be loved, and he will just never prefer me over himself.
Plain and simple.
