=[

as much as i may not want to believe what's really happening, it is what it is
and every prediction i've had, every little feeling, every little "vibe", and every fucking dream...
was right



slowly but surely, ashes ashes 
it's all falling down


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you apprieciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."






danhesedsfayaaw...

flattered

at the fact that, drunken words speak sober thoughts
i got a really drunk phone call last night from someone who i would expect it from
but the things he said woke up something inside of me that had been hiding from him
it woke up a truth that i never wanted to face

"esther, um i have to tell you something but idk how to say it"
"omg just say it!"
"okay, you know how mario has shianne and how like that's his girl and like how they are with eachother, well i've always thought that that's how it was for me and you, like have you ever thought what it'd be like if we went out? i mean i've had dreams about it, and i mean me and you know alot about eachother and like we're on the same level and we understand eachother, idk idk...it's like that usher song..."
"i've thought about that all before too"


and truthfully, i have i just never knew how to tell him ever, but it's done more than just pondered my thoughts, but then me MRS. NEGATIVEmcNEGATIVEpants never thought he would ever take me into consideration for the simple fact that well i just never thought he would. i'm not gonna lie when i say i've always thought we were perfect for eachother...


=]


aslusryee

these words,

something warm flowing throughout the internal parts of my body,
it happens the times i wish you can finally see further than your vision allows
call it a feeling or a state of mind, either way i enjoy it
being content at the reassurance that your okay, or finding out all the details about your day
i'm willing to stay here until you realize what's been under your nose this whole time.
but for now all that matters is that your doing just fine...

you know me better than i know myself,
i'd be lying if i said i wanted anyone else
i'll never find the right words to let you know
how i feel and that someday i'll have to let you go
so to save myself from the opportunity of getting hurt,
i'll get these words and bury them in dirt

i have the adroitness to see what truth really lies behind your false smile,
but admitting your pain you'll always be in denial
you stuck your hand inside my stomach and grasped my soul,
and you left me drained with the inability of ever feeling whole
when i look at you i see the deep dark eagerness that stays in your eyes,
i get pulled even closer towards you with the urge to sincerely sympathize

you know me better than i know myself,

i'd be lying if i said i wanted anyone else
i'll never find the right words to let you know
how i feel and that someday i'll have to let you go
so to save myself from the opportunity of getting hurt,
i'll get these words and bury them in dirt

i don't ever want to wake up and find out that your gone,
for the simple fact that beforehand i would have to allow myself to be withdrawn
i'm in search of the true meaning of complete and utter bliss,
but i'm not sure if it's an angel or a  demon telling me i'll find that in your kiss
i will never know if anything i'm saying makes sense or if it's even true,
all i know is that somewhere stuck inside are the words i love you

i can't complain,

i did this all to myself, once again
and i didn't even ask for an enchore, it's a constant cycle of abusing eachother in every way, shape, and form. someone is bound to get hurt, while the other doesn't even care
it all seems so easy just to give in and surrender to you, cuz it's what i'm comfortable with already.
we both get something that we want out of eachother when we are done, it's routine, it's pleasure, it's comfort, it's lust, it's momentary satisfaction, it's us, it's a mess, it's a mistake...
that i make over and over and over, do i not learn?

everything is on YOUr time, when YOU want it, wherever YOU are is where i have to travel to, but when it's ME and what I want, and when I want it, it's doesn't fly with you does it?
well i can't take it, i think we've had our fare share of using eachother.
with us, nothing get's solved, nothing gets talked over, it's get's pushed aside because you are busy of course
and that's fucking stupid



so grow up, and grow a little
and maybe i'll take fucking you into consideration...
:p




it spreads throughout the depths of my body like a fire, call me a sinner when that feeling is my desire...

round we go,

Again and again and again
I've been through this before many times, so what I'm about to do is for the best...





you know this gun we shared I can't keep, because you shot someone and it wasn't me
I shared that gun with you...So for my own good I'm going to dispose of it so we don't get in any trouble
little do they know I helped you along the whole way, your plot to kill...I had knowledge of it and still I did nothing and now all I have left to do is shrug my shoulders and walk away as far as I can...before it gets any worse.


would it be bad to say, that i'm use to it?
oh well, what's another time around...














dneirf tseb elam a teg tnod uoy yhw si siht dna