You

Never loved me.
And you never will.
No matter how many times I change the color of my hair.
No matter if I put a little less makeup on my face.
No matter if I wear that dress you like.
No matter if I play your favorite song when we are driving in my car.
No matter if I learn to make your favorite foods.
No matter how much beer I drink to impress you.
No matter how many times I held you when you cried.
No matter how many times I risked my sanity when you lied.
No matter how much I think I make you happy...I don't.
Because no matter what I do, you will never love me.

Self Love

That's a thing now I guess.
I prefer the terms 'self worth'.
That way the vanity isn't oozing.

I find it amazing that once you let go of what has cursed you for all these years, your life shifts.
It shifts in the most positive way you can ever imagine.
My relationship is flourishing, my confidence is slowly growing, I'm flourishing at work, financially my husband and I are doing great.
It makes me hate myself for being so naive and holding onto something that didn't want to be held on to.
Whenever I think about that person, I get a dream that my subconscious produces.
It reminds what I am to that person, and how much they blatantly don't care.
I wake up frazzled because it was awful.
I also wake up reminded, of the reality vs. the fictional interpretation I had of our arrangement.
"I'll bite my hand off before I reach for you again."
That type.

I'm also developing better coping habits, and better habits period.
I'm losing weight.

The other day my husband and I went on a hike, and as we reached the top and stared at the beautiful view he says to me..."This is our year babe".
And it is.


I finally broke the curse.
That curse being a person.
That person being a cancer removed from my body.
Literally.