I feel like, Andrew spending one whole day with me is good enough for the whole week.
After him spending that one day with me I can't ask for anymore of his time because that belongs to his friends.
I can't even breathe with him I swear.
He always just wants to be with his friends and smoke, and I'm always his last resort.
I get the remainder of his day after he is done being with whoever he has been with all day.
Unless he wants to have sex, that's the only time he'll act nice and lovey as if he does love me and want to spend time with me. Other than that I'm kicked to the curb and treated accordingly.
I can't lie to you and tell you that I'm not happy.
But I can't lie to you and tell you that I'm only happy during certain moments.
I don't live the happy life I told you I would soon settle for.
I live with momentary happiness.
Other than my daughters making me happy at every moment, everything else is really based off of situation.
Coming second or third to the man you love isn't the best feeling in the world.
Especially when you are carrying his child in your stomach everyday.
There are days when I cannot see my life without him and I can't wait to experience all the adventures we have yet to face together.
Then there are days where I'm hoping for a way out, I'm hoping to catch him cheat on me.
When Andrew makes me feel good, he makes me feel amazing.
Like I'm on top of the world.
But when Andrew makes me feel bad, he makes me feel horrible.
To the point that I can't take it, because of how dreadful he is treating me.
He's verbally abusive and puts me down mentally, but isn't that normal?
Isn't that how I'm supposed to be treated?
My hopes of being loved and cherished are out the window, I don't think I'll ever know what that feels like.
Or even adored, what is that?
He blames his mistreatment towards me as me being so badly broken I can never be fixed.
That my reactions towards his treatment to me is only so absurd because of my drug history.
This one is a smart one, he knows how to get into my head with the low blows.
This one fixated himself so deeply rooted into my life that I am now bearing his seed.
.......
I'll come back another time and finish, then again I never finish anything.
