today

was a goooood day



;]

w i s d o m

be loved but never love.
attatch but never combine.
trip but never fall.
to be broken is better than shattered.
tell him of your strength but never of your past.
be trust worthy but never trust.
be cracked but never open.

i hate

not being high
fake people
suppos-ed 'friends'
arguments
overanalyzing
thinking too much
critical thinking
remembering things that i wish i had now
finding solutions to past problems that i can no longer fix
shit talkers
wannabe's
people who revolve their life upon impressing people
people who care what the world thinks
being a l o n e
not doing anything on a saturday night
being blown off
never getting called back
romantic movies that are never true stories
imaginary friends
the boy who took apart of me that i'll never ever get back
the radio
not having limewire
not knowing what's going to happen next
not having all the answers
when people throw the words i love you around like they have no meaning
not having money
getting cat hair on my clothes
bruises
not finding a boy who would like to get into my brain before my pants
spaghetti
books that are pointless
not making an impact on someone
the heat
cleaning the bathroom
brown and yellow crayons
m&m's that aren't brown
doing nothing
catching my breath
users and abusers
liars
giving up
cuts
being told what to do
periods
awkwardness
searching for conversation on the phone
promises that never fall through
missing my sister
bad hygene
the phrase 'lemme get at that'
holding grudges
guilt
moving furniture
that the thoughts in my mind aren't always great
dreams that don't make sense
that girls try so hard to get noticed
girls that try to make other girls jealous
stupid girls
just girls in general
perverted boys
stupid boys
pimples
vomiting
being sober
and the fact that you're stupid name will always be in my mind no matter how hard i wish it wasn't
but most of all, i hate you

<3

he's back!
and for some reason the first thing i seen when i walked into the quad was him, sitting at the table with his beanie and his hands in his pockets, i wanted to run up to him and hug him for the longest time, and make it dramatic, but someone else took that role, so i smiled and hugged him suttley
i would say that was our best hug, haha i misssed him so much
and i'm looking foward to seeing him every morning again, on the bus and exchanging words about our crazy weekends, i feel so happy now, i even turned down a free session that's how happy i am
so yeah, today can't get any better
i missed him, and i will always have feelings for him, always

his name starts with a J and ends with a Y

storm

is prerequisite to mental gain



i can honestly say that i am beyond the word confused, i'm not exactly sure how to take this whole situation, whether to take it positively or negatively, either way i end up fighting about it so it must be negative right?
hmmm, well to deal with it i'm going to spend my spare time boxing rather than smoking, finally
i feel that this is something that i'm going to stick to, because it's something that once i have a taste i all of the sudden want it 10 x's more
kinda like weed, i started smoking it and somehow it always made it's way back to me, it was something i wanted all the time, to feel that way

it's a little something like this feeling, the night i fought brianna i never felt so good, the feeling of just hitting something knowing that i hurt them, knowing that all my feelings were dripping it's way from my brain and heart to my fist and it was finally hurting someone else rather than me.
i felt so amazing, right after that i felt so damn good, ever since then i've wanted to fight
and now the opportunity has come, to get that adrenaline again, and to let everything out, and to train, and it's gonna be amazing, but yea i guess i kinda have things a little figured out for now
i'm still trying to maintain my sanity in this hell hole, but it's holding pretty well
im working my ass off in school, and i'm training

so ina about an hour, ima go running at the highschool and what not
clear my head, and get my lungs use to it
i need my lungs better though, cuz they're fucked up right now
i've been blazing every single day for a while now, fuck
atleast i'm getting my shit straight before i'm in too deep
ima do E as my grand finalE with SEM haha i love them to death
<3
i'm glad i get to go back to ihs with them
yessssssssss



&& andy ima dropp him, i'm not gonna play these little games
okay getting my hopes up while ure gonna be talking to other hynas, but your telling me you love me, ha sukkkka your no different from the rest, ure bomb though
haha


so no vatos for me, he'll find me someday
i don't mind waiting


"I will be reincarnated as Rain Harvested thought only comes after Rain Artists may talk and give it different names When they appear wet, they may feel ashamed So they don't walk but instead take the train And when that ride stops they notice the strange Sense of degeneration they've obtained While the world evolves, they stand and turn lame Storm is prerequisite to mental gain Storm is prerequisite to mental gain Philosophy's life That's simple and plain Poets play with words to keep themselves sane You do your thing while the clouds pour the Rain"

p.s.

i love me some andy



=]

once again,

i'm back, i got sucked in once again
officially, and i don't see myself coming out anytime sooon
it's been too much fun, the promethazine, robatussin, herb, it mixes so well
and it has never felt betttter

i can't really complain cuz i'm pretty much on good terms with everyone right now
me and arlene got no beef which is relaxing to know for once
but there still are the parentals i guess, we'll never be on the same page but whatever, there's really nothing i can do but not be home
like the other night, i got into it with them so baddd, and i wanted like all the drugs on the whole entire earth, i wanted to inhale them all or just take them, cuz day by day i get fed up with getting in some sort of predicament with raul, but i decided ima start boxing, like at the boys and girls club, it's a more postive way to handle or 'channel' my anger i guessss



well this is one of the most boringEST entry's i've ever wrote




whatever, my weeks been pretty amazing i must say
i love Jr. && S.E.M

<333333

heaven

ain't something someone else can give, it's all inside of ME

donnie

the manipulated living will do anything to save themselves from oblivion.

lamophobian

i hate that i have these random days, when time spent with you replays over and over in my head.



i don't think anyone will ever compare to you, or atleast i won't let them, i just wish i could just talk to you like how we'd talk for hours and hours and call eachother every morning and right after school, i guess during the whole process of 'you and me' i'm the one who's left empty handed, while you go one like we never existed





wow, doesn't that hurt to know

i think

I'm OBSESSSED, 4LyF3

<3333333333333

i would marry both of them

anyways, i think i found someone n e w

he's prettty darn cute, and there's something about him....

i usually

fall out of like really easily, but now it seems harder with him
and i DON'T like it

maybe this was a bad idea after all, liking you
was possibly the worst thing i could do

idk, you made me wanna be a better person, and do better, and i thought you cared



but i guess i was wrong, all wrong, i had everything wrong
i don't hate you, and i'm not mad at you that you don't feel the same




it just means god has someone better out there for me
and i mean that in the nicest way

FUCK YOU

i HATE you



Arlene Raquel Leon





i really do, i really really do
just hearing your name makes me angry
i hope you and your boyfriend have a wonderful fucking life, fuckYOU very much
<3

vato?

He has something, and i want more of it