once

again, i am everything you want
but not now...

it is time,

i believe the picture is pretty self explanitory.

sooner than i would have expected, i am on my own.

ME, I, call the shots in my life, i determine my bodys whereabouts, and how long it stays out.

i'm going to be an adult.

sure i am excited, scared, nervous, anxious, thrilled, ENTHRALLED

all possible.

but right now, at this very moment, i am in a different state of mind, and i'm fine i guess.

well to me i'm fine, while everyone around me is complaining on my attitude or mood in general.

i'm sorry?

i don't know whats wrong?

i don't see anything wrong with me?

i guess you can call me an angered child?

well i guess i am a result of a person who talks to no one but her mind, and stays in there...where it's safe and sound. idk why but i've tried to be nice and expose thoughts or feelings, but i'm not sure i know how anymore. it's not gonna help me in the end, but i guess i can play pretend.

i don't care about anything, i do care about a select few though. well to some extent.

use elongated time and corse words to break down my force

allow my interiors to overflow into the palm of your hands

but keep them cupped, so they can

caress my soul with your bare hands

allow yourself to feel something real, something internal

something sacred.

once upon a time...

my name is infection.

you poor unfortunate souls, you

dear all of you,

lately like always, i spend more time in my head then i do living outside. my thoughts cloud most of the perimeter of my head, my brain, my psychosis...
i have seasaw torment of moods, i can't help it, i don't know how to strap them down, or bring them to some kind of normality. forgive me NOt.
lately though, or for the past few months, i've loved, i've lost, i've lusted, i've been busted, i've trusted, i've hated, i've mated, i've dated, i've forgave, i've forgotten, i've gained, i've wanted, i've needed.
selfish? much?

people places things, her emotions swing.

"friends", aquaintences, peers
are the only categories i can honestly put people in.
don't feel bad, rejected, or belittled
it's all i'm allowing myself to put people in. for safety purposes.
people make me sick, disgusted, at the fact that you guys try SO hard.
you guys get dramatic over the littlest things, your not true, your not you.
you tell me to trust you, yet you open your mouth about me. this applies to more than just one.
it doesn't matter to who, it just matters that you did. you don't care even if you say you do, you can write it on a piece of paper 666 times, and i still won't believe you.
your inmature, your a little kid. sure, i may have not experienced the things you have, but that doesn't mean that i haven't gone through things and that i don't go through things.
get out of your selfish pathetic big head, and take other people into consideration for once, take their feelings on how you act, what you say, what you do, take it all into consideration how you treat them.
if you don't it's not my fault, that's ure karma not mine. but i'm not gonna put up with this anymore, not not, not ever. i'm done with people like this.
step into my shoes, live my life, live with my family, my circumstances, my problems, my situations, be trapped in my mind, and tell me how you cope when you have no one who sincerely cares.
because i don't, you don't, we all don't.
you can scream your sorry, you'll change, you'll try your hardest to be different.
and i won't hear anything...

i'm headed a different direction within myself, and literally too. i don't need anyone or anything to drag me down, and i am more than sure that i don't need this little kid drama in my life.
my mind has left high school years ago, but apparantly yours hasn't.
don't forget it applies for more than one.

i only dream to meet someone true, real, natural, care free. but like i said i "dream".
no matter what friends you have, what people you meet, they're always going to talk shit.
if they talk shit about people to you, they are bound to turn around and do the same thing.
i'd rather be stabbed in the front than in the back. if ure as 'real' as you claim to be then do it. prove it.
i'm not saying i'm perfect, i'm the most "realest" person out there. but i don't bull shit, and i don't put up with it either.
wisdom comes with age.
i've been screwed over one too many times to give others a chance.
don't blame me, blame yourselves.

welcome to my world, leave while you have the chance...

i'm

going through with it this time, and i'm not talking about leaving a boy either,
about starting something i never finish with something better.
i guess its for my own good, i can't be left behind, well i mean i can but they don't want me to
i guess it's time, i'm turning in my titles.











goodbye she, her, you, me, i, myself
it's for the better i suppose

i just want to say,

it's back, and here to stay...

once again,

your supposed feelings were fiction, your only intension was creating friction...























every single fucking guy.

whY?

can't i feel anything for anyone?
i'm actually trying to, and niente, nada, nothing.
heartless can suffice for my actions....

and as gay and cheesy as it sounds, it's true:
my heart was stolen in 8th grade, i never got it back, it's not my fault
i'm just saying, i am the way i am for a reason,
heartless, callace, evil, bitch, numb, emotionless
because of him.
i was in love once, and only once.
for some reason, i believe it's going to stay that way
every other guy is a piece of shit in my eyes.







amen.

UGH!

right when one side of my life starts to become equal elevation to the other, the other side starts to decompose slowly.




but i'm not gonna let it win








ohh and TKM...chris