That's where we have to live right?
In the now.
All I want is to be loved.
Truly loved.
Looked at as if I'm such a gift, yet such an asset to your life.
I want you to look at me and see every sexual fantasy come to life in me and through me.
I want you to crave and desire every word from my mouth in the same way you desire every drop of my saliva.
I want you to be curious about my thoughts and dreams.
I want you to wonder what is making me upset, no matter how miniscule.
I want you to admire that fact that I finally had the energy to get myself together today, and style my hair and makeup.
I want your desire to be, time with me and to run your fingers through my hair with admiration for me as a whole.
I just want you to want me.
And everyday I feel you want me near, but not necessarily me but moreover the idea of me.
Who I am isn't the best and most beautiful female you've come across.
I know you're attention can easily be taken from me, by a female who is skinnier and prettier.
I know I'm not your dream girl.
I don't have everything you're looking for.
I just take care of you, your home, and your family.
Life is good and easy with me, so why leave?
I don't ask for much at all, but I can't say you leave any slightest clue that I mean so much to you.
Or that I mean anything to you at all.
Not a note, a song, a flower, a breakfast, a speech, a text, a premeditated date night, hell I have to remind you.
There's nothing that comes directly from your heart to me, nothing.
You don't know what it feels like to have to try and pull love out of someone, it feel cheated.
Like I'm using cheat codes to get to my destination.
How do you think it feels to always have to think for someone, always have to plan things out for someone, or tell someone what they should do?
WHEN THAT SOMEONE IS YOUR HUSBAND, AND THAT SOMEONE IS YOUR AGE.
It just sucks, because I've never in my life have had anyone do anything sweet for me.
Out of their adoration for me.
Hell I think the nicest thing someone has ever done for me was threaten to beat a guy up, because he kept following me.
I just don't want to be sad anymore, I want to be happy.
I want to feel fulfilled.
I don't want to be with someone and still be empty.
I'm happy for the most part, he doesn't hit me anymore, he doesn't go out with his friends, he doesn't cheat on me anymore, he goes to work and comes home.
You know normal things husbands are supposed to be doing.
So yeah that makes me happy, but inside I'm dying.
I feel empty, and worthless.
I feel like I don't mean anything to anyone.
And everyone around me just feels sorry for me, or thinks I'm brainwashed, or thinks I'm stupid or thinks I'm weird.
I don't really have a desire to smoke or drink, hell even go out and see humanity.
I literally dread seeing people I know.
I dread going out of my house.
My girls are the only reason I want to live, they're the only reason I should live.
Maybe I'm depressed.
Idk.
