NOTTTTTTTTTT.
Today was a very poop day.
But the only good things about today were my daughters and the fact that I'm officially one year closer to being 21.
Like I'm really gonna drink it upp.
I swear every time I've ever drank I never get like full on drunk, hmm maybe I need to go on a diet.
And well my parents are out of town at a dodger game on my birthday.
Yeah, I feel the love.
But hey there's plenty to go around especially since I had to move out of my sisters today and move back in with my parents.
My sisters house is really crowded and she's pregnant with twins who should be here by this coming Thursday or Friday.
She subliminally asked me to move out, I could see it all over her face.
So I suggested it and she quietly agreed.
It's okay though, I understand.
She opened up her doors to me, and I'm so greatful.
I'm a tad bit embarrassed to say why I got kicked out to my parents house.
Well okay whatever.
Basically to make the long story short, while my parents were out of town I had a male guest over.
My parents found out, we argued and it turned really ugly.
So I left to my sisters.
And in regards to the girls' father, he's not in the picture at all.
I'm really planning to stay strong and firm in what I'm believing in.
He's still doing nothing with his life; no job leads, no urge to see them, nothing.
It's sad for them but I don't mind.
My attention is completely focused on my girls and doing everything in my power to make their future better.
He admitted to me that he was talking to his ex girlfriend but she turned him down because she was scared of me.
Go figure, who isn't.
And those weeks he was talking to her, he completely disappeared off of my radar.
He never called, and when I called him he would ignore me and be really mean.
But once she dumped him, he started calling me again, proclaiming his love for me.
Swearing up and down that he wants his family.
Yadda yadda yadda.
FALSE FALSE FALSE.
I'm no ones second choice.
I don't understand nor can I comprehend the fact that he doens't care about either of his daughters.
How sad is it that he's never held Emi, or even touched her?
I don't care about a relationship with him or anything, I just want him to care about the girls and become better for them.
But he doesn't want them.
Yesterday on my way home from cosmo, he called me.
Personally right after school, I rush straight to my Aunt Lindas to pick up the girls.
Being away from them for 10 hours is way too long for my heart.
I miss them so much, so I race to get them.
While on the way there i recieve a phone call and it's their dad.
He calls me to leave the girls there longer so I can go over to his house and we can 'make babies'.
OH HELL NO.
I told him FUCK NO.
I want to be with my daughters like no.
Honestly I'd rather get physical with anyone else but Leo.
He doesn't deserve one ounce of love from me.
He abandoned my daughters and I.
And is doing nothing to see them or even get them back.
It just breaks my heart and shows me his true colors.
Knowing that he just wants to get physical rather than spend time with his own daughters.
How more pathetic can you get.
Ugh anyways, emotionally and phyically I'm done.
I'm so hurt i couldn't even get back with him, ever.
I've tried to many times and given him the benefit of the doubt and no, I'm done.
As for me though, life is pretty great.
Well in actuality I have GOD to thank and praise.
I'm back in beauty school, I have a car, and I have an interview on Tuesday.
Everything I'm doing is for my daughters.
And I'm not complaining.
I cherrish them with every inch of my heart and soul.
I love them both so much, and there's no place I'd rather be than with them.
Leaving their side for any amount of time leaves me feeling guilty.
They are truly my loves and my everythings.
And they are such wonderful good little babies.
My daughters come before anything.
