<333

they will always and forever own my heart, i've loved them since 04' homehhhh and i always will

fuck,

your way with words is through silence
reminds me of SO MUCH fucking shit
=[

i am,

so god damn tired!
i couldn't sleep last night, cuz i was thinking way too much
i over analyze every little thing possible in my life, it drives me crazy
i don't want to care, i hate getting mixed signals, i want someone just to be STRAIGHT FOWARD with me, yes as in a male, but blahhhhhhhhh you guys enjoy these little mind games
you are gayer than the word gay!

ughhhhhhhhhh well i feel a bit better, anyways
i have to write an essay and it's rocket science
FML♥






i'll write more, later

so

ressurect me, tell me where to go from here...

p.s.

and she said,

she can't stop staring at your smile,
something she hasn't done for a while
she gets a weird feeling whe she's around you,
hoping maybe someday you'll feel the same too
i guess you can say she's got a little crush,
or should we just call this a momentary blush♥

everyday

LIFE♥;;

Me: arlene do i look high?
Arlene: no, but if i said no i'd be lying anyways!...


haha

i can't

get this faggit out of my head!









>:[































you will never guess who he is...

i feel

sick, but it'll never be enough

yum

>:[

it breaks my heart, that my mother believes she has no worth, and deserves to be treated like shit, and talked to like she's a worthless slave of my fathers. it makes me sick, it really does, he talks about their bedroom life like i actually want to fucking hear it, i KNOW that's the only reason my dad got back with my mom, so he will no longer be sexually deprived. I'm not blind or stupid, i know boys and men like the back of my hand. That's the only reason he came home, and cause he knows my mother will give in to him, and allow World of Warcraft back in our house. After all the shit that piece of shit loser game put us through, and she still fucking let it back in our house. Why you ask? Cause if she would forbid it, my dad would move out. That's how pathetically attactched to that fucking game he is. And the 'week' he didn't play, he did, he just didn't play it in our house, he left about 9 p.m. to my uncle ricks and played it all night until about 1 or 2 or 3 a.m. PATHETIC PATHETIC PATHETIC, and she worshiped him for deleting it off of his computer, WORSHIPED, but two days later he put it back on his computer, and SUPPOSIDLEY it was not to be played in this house, yea fucking right YEA FUCKING RIGHT
he plays it every single night, til about 12 or 1 a.m.
he hasn't changed, he hasn't compromised anything


and sadly, dad is not the only pathetic one...








MOM

right when it's good,

it's gets shittier than shit
thanks jesus

idk how to deal with all this shit dood
things with me a jr. are all fucked up

my sister is pregnant by her piece of shit boyfriend that she's barely know for 4 months
desperate much?
basically.
sadly, i've been praying for her to have a dead fetus, seriously everyday, cuz her being pregnant means him in my life forever, she deserves way better WAY better than him, and if he really L-O-V-E-d her, he would have made her go home that night that she left, but no the reason i know he's not genuine and isn't with her for her, is cuz that night that asshole was thinking with his head not his head, if you know what i mean, and he let her stay cuz he knew it would benefit his ass sexually. with is disgusting, DISGUSTING.
god, atleast have a baby with someone you know who really loves you, someone who knows you and you know them, but no arlene, you can't stand the thought of being alone, you can't stop running from one guy to the next, how can you ever find yourself if you never have a chance to think without a boy in your mind? I just know what you deserve, and you just settled, and i know you don't love him, i can hear it the way you talk about him, not one word is sincere, nonother than you feeling sorry for him and his sad life story. Sure it's sad, but why must you feel obligated to stay with him, it's not ure fault he has a fucked up family. So he has to be selfish and drag you down with him. So you feel trapt, like if you leave him you'll feel sorry for him cuz ure the only one who cares about him right? wrong, don't let him hold you down, you know what's right, you know what's wrong
i don't want to talk about this anymore, cuz i hate you


i hate everyone!

i love EINA

time

i feel like it's running out, for some reason


this weekend was pretty good, interesting!
got stoned as fuckkkkk yesterday
*thanks jr && cesar


my friends are all so great, i love everyone new in my life and miss the old
but i feel so good that problems with anyone that i've ever had are cleared
i've been over, but finally they are too
me and ashley are even talking again
even though she did tell me she wanted to try at our friendship again, but showed up with the bitch i fought at the fair? that was just like WOAH or shall i say WTF
haha but i mean idk i really don't
but otherwise i love everyone of my friends
in alphabetical order homie muahahha:
Ariana
Ashley
Cesar
Cesar
Chela
Jeffrey
Mariah
Mario Eff.
Maryohh
Sandra
Sheyla
Shianne

<333333

i love you all, thanks for putting up with my SHIT




and with the whole boy thing, hmmm there was always andrew david phillips
went out with him 7th/8th grade, then on and offf since then, but then just kept talking, so i've been talking to him for like 4 years now, and finally we decided to completely call it quitts
and i'm okay with it, i am, we both need to get on with our lives, really, but i'll always care for you my boo
=]


and parental wise, okay i guesssss

arlene wise, i love her to death, no matter what, she picks me up at 1 a.m. from mc. donalds to save me from walking home while she has to work at 9 a.m., she still cares and i love her for that, even though she'll tell me "esther, ure so fucking stupid blah blah blah" i love her for it and i always will, i still hate her boyfriend, but i love ju jota face witch! thanks for saving my life even though sometimes you don't want to, or you want to choke me, it's okay you sock my chest anyways devil!



&& i'm also getting my credits homehhhhhh!



i love life right now, i really do
it's going good [[knocks on wood]] and that's how i like it

=]



and bitch, get over the drama cuz i am, i'm way past it
so stop trying to act hard, when i already fucked ure ass up, GET OVER IT