well jayARe

i just got back from my nightly ventures with my father to his hourly sessions of  playing W.O.W.
well i don't play that, i leave with jr&&reina to go cruz, or chill with ashhley&&anissa&&adri, or attempt to chill with adrian, or of course go to the golf course like we did tonight...
and for some reason tonight was different, it made me realize how much i miss Jr.
and how good he is doing, and it made me wanna cry knowing how fucking shitty i'm doing
HE USED TO BE ME!
but he's not, now he's always happy, and avoids any problems or opportunities to go back to who he was
why can't i?

we were at the golf course laying down, reina got cold and tired, and jammed home, Jr&&eye stayed
we talked, and talked, and talked some more
he let me know things i know nobody else knows, and i did the same
he also made me see things in perspective, and he's got something good going for him
i love the kid to death, i'd honestly take a bullet for him.
we got emotional, and didn't hold back anything, even from the problems we had with eachother or about eachother and shitttt

it always killed me knowing that me and him didn't talk for like two months straight, and lost basically our relationship with eachother.
wow, if i think back i used to spend almost everyday with that kid, and every weekend, just blazing it every chance we had, chillin, going everywhere together, telling eachother everything, busting missions, ditching school every week and shit, them good ol' times
Jr was like my freaking brother mann, possibly even one of my best friends or even closer than that, he meant and still means so much to me, it just always gets me how we let shit that our dads told us make us go our seperate ways, they were both telling us different stories making up lies just so we could be mad at eachother, so we would stop chilling with eachother, cuz they knew we've always been up to no good when we were together, haha, it killed me though, honestly it did, the time that we didn't talk i couldn't believe it, that we actually let that shit fucking happen, i thought about you everyday and how you were doing, and i wondered what you were doing, i wanted to call you so many times, i even had the phone in my hand with ure number dialed but i never called because i'm stubborn, and i wasn't sure if you wanted to talk, i don't know what i'm trying to get at by writing this...

well some of the shit you told me tonight scared the fucking shit out of me, and i want you to know that i love you and care about you, and i always will, and that will never ever ever change, you mean so much to me Richard Jr. Leon♥

and i will always wish things could go back to the way they were, but this all happend for a reason i guess, and i mean if we wouldn't of stopped hanging out, i'm sure you'd still be blazing right now and so would i, we wouldn't of gave a fuck, and we probably wouldn't be going to school right now, and we'd most likely be fucking up more than we did last year, so i'm sure it happend for the best...



i'm sorry for getting all emotional, i really just missssed you Jr, tonight was nice...