being

pregnant is a hard PAINFUL job.
this body isn't mine anymore and boy does it suck.

8 weeks and 4 days
according to planned parenthood
still have yet to go to a real doctor and have him tell me the actual date.
the due date is around 4.20 it's amazing
;]

i feel bad, because me...ESTHER, "babe", daughter, everything that i am is being taken over
by something so horrid, so wretched, so crazy
and it goes by the name of: HORMONES

everything, everyone, and all my surroundings get on my last nerve
annoyed, tired, crazed, irritable, emotionally sensitive, pissy, and short tempered
is all the words to describe my every which emotion or feeling.

Leo, i'm so sorry for being such a bitch
but i am going through the hard labor of carrying your child
and you are not making this any easier for me when you're out all night drinking.
i love you, i just hate what you do sometimes
and i love you more for putting up with my constant bitching.

i am a monster.


i pray my little one doesn't come out like me or their daddy.





I love you little nugget, i just don't know what the right thing to do is.

i want to have you because you're inside me, and i'm curious to see what you'd be like.
but i'm not exactly sure that i'm ready, but it's my fault.

i knew the consequences of Lust...