the more

time i have away from you, the more i feel like myself again.
as horrible as that sounds it's sadly true.

i hate having to give up who i am just to satisfy yoU.
that's all i've done since the moment i've met you, was change my whole life around to the likings of yoU.
and i say that in the most technical sense because i've changed everything, EVERYTHING.

and still, i'm always doing something wrong.
all the things i've given up to be a good mother, are the exact same things you need to give up to be a father.
one day i pray, you open up your eyes and see that.
i gave up who i was to be with you.
i'm not going to give up my worth.

if you're not going to start acting like a dad, then i'll just have to be a mom on my own.
i love you, but i will not have two kids to look after when i'm really only birthing one.

and friends;;;
like i've said before, they come with seasons they leave with seasons.
tis' the season.

i've been able to seperate the real from the fake. in the sense of friends.
the ones who aren't artificially flavored, but the ones with honest sincerity.
i love all that you girls have done for me. but it has always involved money, whether it was rides or food.
you always kept count. and when i don't have money, i don't get an invite.
some friends. or so i thought. well
not friends at all.

i know who my friends are or were, and none of you were one of them.
i don't have money like you. i don't have a car like you.
i don't have credit cards like you. i don't have updated clothes like you.
i don't have the neighborhood you do. i don't have the same family that you do.

i'm all in all, poor, none of you are.
i don't fit in your class of human, so i'd prefer to stay away from it.
sorry, but thankyou.
i can't squeeze my way through the cracks of your lifestyle any longer.
RIP D.E.A.S....you guys can change it to S.A.D.

i'd just rather hangout with someone, without a cost.
and someone who really cares about me, not someone who feels sorry for me.
i had friends like that and i will get them back.