i counted

and i only have 1 honestly true female friend, and 1 honestly true male friend.
danielle and saul.

they are the only people i have to confide in about my life problems, that actually care and try to help me.
everyone else who was once there i suppose, is no where to be seen.
even the one's who have supposedly converted to christianity.
haha.

those two, are the best friend i've ever had in my whole life.
and what's hurts the most is that i have an older sister, and she is no where to be seen also.
she is what i would like to call a mexican crab.
you know the kind that see you succeed and do anything they can to try and bring you down.
the kind that constantly compete's and compare's.
the kind that gets a frown when something good actually happens.
the kind that would want nothing more than for you and your life situation to be worse that hers.
basically misery loves company should be tatt'd on her forehead.
and i hate that.
i can't even talk to her about personal things, i actually have to watch what i say around her.
and any opportunity she gets to say something negative in terms of pretaining to me, she'll take it.
every single statement about her above is the truth.
i'm not hating, i'm not talking crap i'm simply venting how it is.
and it's sad.

i am and was never to type to be like that, and that's why it's hard to have someone like that right next to me.
i expect it from my dads side of the family, and i can handle their antics just because i never EVER see them.
but from my own sister, that's a little harsh to handle.
i don't care about anything, i just thought we'd both live our lives and be there for eachother, and since i'm in the same predicament as she is i'd figure you'd want to help me rather than hurt.
but once again i'm wrong.
i find it amusing how you and i are opposite in every form of the word.
i just want a sister to be there for me, not a component to go up against!
metaphorically speaking: wouldn't you stop punching someone eventually if they never punched you back?
well in this case i guess not...that's why you are a mexican crab.
and ever since that day in the appartment when it was agui, peter, chino, and you the day i was moving out, agui threatened to hit me, and no one stood up for me, not even you.
and that's what killed whatever respect i really had for you as a sister, including all of the above.


well i guess, from this point on i declare you gone.