all i want.

is the strength to finally just let you go.
to open my eyes and realize you're NEVER going to change.
i need wisdom to see you for what you really are...not for what i hope you're going to become.
because really, i'm putting all my energy into hoping you will change but you never will.
i'm going to be fighting this fight until the day i finally get up and leave you.

for two seconds well when we're with eachother sometimes, everything will be good.
but when i tell you the things you do wrong, or whenever we're apart it's like we're not even together.
i don't even feel like you're my boyfriend.
i feel like you're a friend, a friend who i kiss from time to time.

this baby is, well i believe, is the only thing that's holding us together.
well the only thing that's making me stay with you, if i wasn't pregnant with your baby, i would be long gone i'm sure.
all you do is hurt me day after day after day.
all i do is cry and cry and cry.
same shit, different day.
and that's that.

nothing more nothing less.
we've been rolling around in the same mess.

next week is going to be 9 months with you, and my only question or i guess feeling is WHY?
why am i still here?
why did i put up with you for so long?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm the one at home always waiting on you, waitng for you're call, wondering where you are, wondering who you're with, wondering what you're doing!
for hours and hours and hours.
i have no control of your life or what you do in it.
i don't understand why i'm still here.

i'm mentally fucked.
relationship wise, i don't think we really have one.
we just put a label on whatever this is.
this whole, you call me when YOU WANT to, you spend time with me when YOU WANT to, you act like my boyfriend when YOU WANT to, everything revolves around you.
and i'm the one who fights to keep this relationship, if it was up to you like you say every time, you'd break up with me and just see you're daughter.

maybe i should just stop being pathetic and finally give you what you ask for.
honestly the more i stay involved with you, the more i lose myself and who i am.
my energy is gone, i can't fight for this anymore...i can't fight for something thats already dead.
i'm tired of being a mental whore to your mind fucking ways!

set me free, leave me be.
please.