I see right through people, their words, their actions, their lies, their backhanded compliments, it's just disgusting and sad at the same time.
I have no friends at all, whatever.
I just find it amusing when people try to be my friend and I can see right through them, I don't say anything and just let them be.
If that's what they chose then whatever it's not my loss.
Two people on this earth have had a work on my brain, and actually proved they were on the same level as me.
They see life the way I do, and we're all pretty similar. One I love one I hate.
Saul and Tony.
Two of the smartest men I know.
If anyone knows about life it's them.
And whether or not they're in my life I'm glad to have known and loved them.
They're the most amazing and interesting men I've ever met.
Tony had been on my mind lately, well just because I just got off my period and every period reminds me I'm no longer carrying his baby.
Yeah I hate him, I hate what he did to me, but I can't deny that I loved him.
Yeah I did what I did but he did what he did also, I was a different person back then than I am now.
I can see clearly.
I didn't do anything wrong in the sense that I was "cheating" on Tony by having sex with whoever I had sex with.
Because the whole time he was with me he had a girlfriend.
If I betrayed anyone or hurt anyone it was myself.
My own dignity and self respect, I did t have that back then.
But I forgave myself, and I understand a little as to why I did what I did with who I did it with.
I was never able to say no to anyone ever back then, and now that's the only word I know.
Guys hate me for that now, I'm not 'down' like I used to be and I applaud myself for that.
They all just wanted to use me anyways, every single one.
Looking at the bigger picture I can't really say or not if Tony had feelings for me or if he was just literally using me until he eventually got something worth something from me.
I don't really care becaus through him I've learned my biggest lesson yet.
How wrong I was for letting just anyone into my home and into my life.
That takes earing, you have to earn that privilege.
So I'm at peace right now and in last nights dream, Tony and I were at peace with each other.
I'm really content with life actually.
God has blessed me beyond words!
And I can't only praise and thank him for everything especially my wisdom.
And Saul, I love that kid to death and beyond.
Always have, always will.
He's my best friend in the world, and when in having a bad day very few words of his always have my busy up laughing.
He understands me and moreover what life is about.
He cherishes and is obsessed with all the right things.
He is the hardest working man I know my age, I have the most respect for him.
I love him, and only wish the best for him and his daughter.
Little Christine sure has an amazing father.
No comments:
Post a Comment