I live

in conflict and contradiction.
WITH MY DAMN SELF.


Of course I relapsed and am back into the arms of the octopus.
It's like he can sense when I'm trying to stray from him and he makes sure I'm still in his grasp.
He lures me in until he knows I'm staying.
I'm merely his prey, I'm merely the lamb and he the slaughter.


It's been years and I can't seem to shake him off.
Idk why, I really don't.
I mean our sex life is superb and there's something there more than just sex...well from what happens and what I feel.

I spent a bit of time with him this morning, at 5:30 a.m. I was leaving work and he was just getting home.
He was more gentle than usual physically but his words were more aggressive.
He always asks me, "Am I the only one who fucks you like this? Do you love the way I fuck you?"
And when I tell him, "No body fucks me like you, it's yours."
He gets mad and says, "You're a fucking liar."
And he proceeds to fuck me violently.

I hate that he asks me that.
Well I like the dirty talk during sex but damn, why you gotta make shit difficult.
Like I've been down for him all of these years.
When he had a girlfriend, when I had a boyfriend, when he was talking to someone, when I was talking to someone, anytime, any place, any where, I would fuck.
He called me at 5 a.m. I'm there because I don't want to fuck anyone else.
I wish he could see that.
Idk if I'm saying I want something emotionally out of this, but he needs to see that I've been down for him.
He needs to stop questioning me about my sexual activity when he's the one out until 5 a.m.



How do you sexually detatch yourself from someone when the attachment is internal?