I cannot count

How many times I've dreamt of him.
How I wake up every morning missing him.
How I wake up every morning and fight with every fiber of my being, not to text him.

I've never had will power, especially with him.
He was my weakness.
The man of many years.
One of the only men who could say something and it affect how I viewed myself.
What he liked and thought of me, mattered.
When it shouldn't have, but it did.

Here I am writing about him again.
Missing him.
Aching for him.