he loves me,

he loves me NOT, he loves me?




it's hard to say certain things to certain people,  but with you it flows naturally.
there is something in me that will never allow me to let you go. could it be your child?
i've grown a love for you that i believe can be titled pathetic. you are the father of my child.
you saw me leaving with no sympathy toward you at all, you seen the hate in my eyes, and it scared you.
you knew i meant business. cuz i do.
so you're turning around completely, and i'm happy, i'm working on myself while you are doing the same.
i'm glad you're going to church and i get to read the bible with you.
it's amazing, something i'd never expect to see from big bad "Lust" from akm.
i'm not going to get my hopes up just yet, but i'm proud of you.

i've grown a different type of love for you, something i'll be able to describe soon enough.
but there's something that will always have me connected to you, and it's our baby boy or girl.
i love you. and i would like for you to get on the right path. not for me, but for yourself, and your child.
you're not off the hook just yet, cuz you still have alot to prove.
i had a really good time with you today, minus me getting all ghetto on my brothers little gf, it was nice.

everything with me and you is not superb or anything, but we're good, and i'm glad.
i love you always Leonardo Castro.
you punk nugget.


well while one thing is about to balance out, something always has to go wrong or get off balance.
my home life. my parents. their nagging. their expectations. their hatred. their embarrassment. their maliciousness.
i can't take it. emotionally i'm a wreck already, and you just add to it day by day but throwing things in my face. yeah, i forgive you but sometimes it just hurts longer than i expect.
knowing i'm depressed, you just add to my depression. i feel worthless. like i want to die. like really die, like that actually sounds way better than this. but yes i don't have to mental guts to do it.
some of the things my parents say, replay over and over and over in my head like it's planning to have some type of deep mental affect. and well it does.
i try to not let it, but of course the devil knows where to hit you where it hurts the most.
especially when it's coming from someone who "loves" you.
idk, i'm trying to do good, God wise, myself wise, job wise, cleaning wise.
and still it's never enough.
i hate that whenever i'm trying to turn to God someone has to just rain on my happy parade. a stomp on it til' i cry.
i think i cry more than i breathe. and i'm not sure that's healthy at all.
idk, i'll get through it, through God of course.


i just never thought pregnancy would be this bad?