you are so

NAIVE!


maybe just maybe i have to get it through my head that me and Leo are just NOT meant to be.
as mush as i would like this to work to save my child from going through what i did as a kid, i'd rather just not be with him.
this is emotional torture.
he is an impotent mind fuck, excuse my language.
but it's all so true. all i wanted was to try to work on our relationship in order to be with eachother happily...
is there even such a thing?

idk, but no matter what you do, it's because of me.
when you cuss it's my fault...i'm the one who made you mad.
when you decide to smoke, it's because i pushed you to the limit.
no matter what, when you make me cry some how some way it's my fault!
when you treat me like crap...it's because i supposedly did it to you yet you cannot seem to remember when?
everything wrong that you do all turns around to me, how convenient for you!

and apparantly i'm the kid now? that's why you can NEVER hold so much as a two minute conversation with me without hanging up on me because i'm the one overflowing with childish antics?! and all you do is ignore my calls. i feel so dumb for even giving you a second chance, and sure i'll write about how much you kill me and frustrate me but yeah yeah yeah in a day or two i'll be talking to you again, because of a simple "sorry".
I DON'T THINK SO!
i can't take the stress anymore not only is it adding to my depression but it gives me so many headaches, along with cramps!

my dream Leo would consist of the following: christian; mind, soul, body, heart. will do anything to make this work. got a job. went to the army or atleast tried! respected my parents, respected me. trusted me. loved me. wouldn't always jump to conclusions. would read the bible with me. stopped doing bad things, stopped treating me like poop. and actually cared about me and his future child.

doing all those things wouldn't be so hard now would they.
PFFFFT.
one can only dream of a Leo like that.
so for now or forever i am S.O.L.
womp womp womp.

well like i told my sister and like i told Leo, i had a feeling that i would be a single mom.
raising my nugget on my own, and i don't mind that at all.
i'd much rather have that than be in this teeter totter, circular pathed relationship.
well actually we're not even together and we haven't been for a while now.
i give up.
i surrender.


God will only give me what i can handle, and i can't handle anymore.
i lovED you.
PAST TENSE.


"i thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you..."
♥