once again.

"I'm so sick of your shit, i'm done with you!"
from the horses mouth.


geee what a great daddy you're going to be, walking out on us now but you say you'll never do it then.
because it's going to be SOOO different when MY nugget gets here.
all i did was tell you how i feel, my opinion on our whole little sex situation.
i was explaining to you how you don't need to constantly have sex with someone if you love them, well yeah i would of course but not in the situation where your whole family is in your house, and i only have 5 minutes to spare, and you want me to get out of the car, fuck you, and leave.
that's not me.
and because i said no to such a luxorious offer you've been a dick all day to me.
disappearing for hours at a time. not calling.
you know my phone can't make outgoing calls, but you take advantage of that.
while i sit at home and wait LIKE FUCKING ALWAYS.
you don't understand.
when you love someone you shouldn't need to have sex with them in order to be happy, their company and conversation alone should satisfy your heart and soul.
but no, not for you.
cuz your names LUST remember?

like i said, you walk out on me now while i'm pregnant who says you won't do it when my daughters here?
that kills me. it really does.
i'm NOT i repeat NOT, going to be in the same boat that my mom was in when i was a kid.
getting divorced then remarried over and over and over again.
people don't think it effects a kid but it does. my mom did anything she could to please my dad, she did everything she could to keep him happy. she compromised her beliefs for him to stay. she settled for his nightly drunken rampages when he came home. she let us see all that. everything he did. the way he be-littled her like she was nothing. like she had no worth. he could come and go as he pleased, and she had no one or nothing without him because she gave everyone and everything up for him.
thats NOT going to be me. that may be my sister but NOT me.
i love you but not enough to put my child through this.
because this is what you're going to turn into. i can feel it in my blood.
i find it amusing and crazy how girls end up with guys just like their dads or boys end up with girls just like their moms.
idk why. but this isn't what i deserve.

i love you Leo, but i'm not sure i'm willing to compromise everything i ever stood for to keep you happy.
every single day another fight. atleast once, twice, or three times a week you break up with me. about once a month i have a really good good day with you.
i find that pathetic and sad. it makes me want to cry.
you'll never understand the pain you've inflicted, every promise you've made completely contradicted.

i just don't understand how you can spitefully try to hurt me with your words, and the things you say, and the things you do to get a kick out of me crying?
for the billionth time everything you do is because of me, why you get pissed is because of me, why you are a dick to me is my fault.

i just don't know what to do anymore, i'm heart broken like always.
i feel broken.
whatever love i have left for you is slowly dying, when someone is constantly willingly abused they're going to walk away eventually...


i can't do anymore than what i've already been doing, and that's giving you all i have to give.
if i keep on giving to nothing, i'm wasting what i have to give to my baby to you.

i just pray you'd cheat on me or move on.
for MY own good.
for once i'm thinking about myself.




i want to find myself again, and it's hard when you're ripping me into pieces...