It's raining,

it's pouring, the old man is snoring, he went to bed and bumped his head, and couldn't get up in the morning.


But really, it's raining.
Sweet humidity, you never forget us do you.

I feel like such a fucking moron.
I feel so stupid.
SO SO SO SO STUPID.
but actually I feel as Katy Perry would say 'Wide Awake'.
r
Yesterday was Leo's court.
He either had to do time, or get probabtion and go to drug classes.
He called me last night so I can only assume he took the drug classes.
Basically, I drop off my little brother in Indio for vacation bible school, down the street from Leos house.
So I did and I called last night saying I was gonna go over in the morning and let him meet Emilia and see Eve for like 5 minutes outside.
His mom answered last night and said he wasn't home, but she'd tell him what I said.
So I go over there and park in front of his house, I see his window is open and he's most likely sleeping.
I would usually go to his window and yell at hime to come outside myself but for some reason something told me not to so i didn't.
His grandma came outside and told me he wasn't home.
(Mind you the summer 10' when I was with him and moved back to my moms, I was going to beauty school. Every single morning I used to walk over to his house at 5 in the morning, sleep with him until 8 and take the bus to beauty school from his house. Sometimes he would go with me, and every single time that he ever left the house he would shut his door and shut the window. So I knew he was home)
After she told me that I stared at his window and thought about going to it and yelling at him, but I didn't I just went home.
I sat and thought about what just happened.
Then I really thought about it.
When I had hacked into his facebook recently the other day, I read through his messages to all kinds of girls.
He got some of their numbers, and all he was talking to them about was what a whore I was, I won't let him see his kids, how he hasn't had sex, and tattoos.
The dumb bitches fell for it and he got some of their numbers.
I think their was someone in his bed with him this morning, and to avoid drama his grandma just told me he wasn't there.
So I called right now, and his mom said, "He's not here, well idk hold on let me check."
I hear her say, "Leo get the phone, I'm tired of lying to her all the time telling her you're not here, just get the fucking phone!"
I waited  four minutes and fifty-two seconds, he never picked up the phone.
My gut instincts are telling me he's moved on, and I just need to come to terms with the fact that he's never going to be a father to our daughters.
Deep down I'm waiting for him to come to some sort of revalation and wake up and realize what he has.
Maybe he does realize what he has he just doesn't want it.
Maybe he is a dead-beat dad.
Maybe that's why he stopped calling and begging.
Maybe that's why when I left he never chased after me, ever.
I don't understand...

I don't understand how you can go on with your life knowing you have two babies with your blood running through your veins and not even care about them.
I don't understand how you can wake up everyday knowing your daughters aren't with you.
I don't understand how you can breathe knowing you've never ever met your second daughter.
I don't understand how you can live with yourself knowing you've never contributed one dollar to either of our daughters.
I don't understand how you can live period knowing you know nothing about either of our daughters.
I don't understand what kind of fucking man you are.
I don't understand what kind of fucking father you are.
Oh wait, you're neither a MAN or a FATHER.
I don't understand how you can abandon you're own little family.
For what though, what is so much better than us.
Well fuck me, what is so much better than our daughters?
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS SO MUCH BETTER!?
Enlighten me you fucking piece of shit, EN-FUCKING-LIGHTEN ME!
You're daughters are going to grow up without a father and that's okay with you?
I don't understand how you can do that to someone so innocent, what have they ever done to you?
I don't understand...

That's what I get for choosing such a keeper right?
SARCASM.
I don't love you anymore Leo.
I don't love you at all.

I can't love someone with character traits like yours.
That's just disgusting.

I'm glad my girls have me, I really am.
I'm going to show them exactly what independent means.
I'm going to show them I need no man to validate my worth.
Oh, but when I do find one he damn sure is going to be nothing like you.
Actually he's going to be the exact opposite.
And I hope it eats you alive inside, when you see you're girls are going to be loved to death but he and I.
And you're going to be no where around.
I hope it eats at your insides every single day.
I hope you feel the pain I felt.
I hope karma gets you and fucks you in the ass.
I hope you rot in hell for doing this to such innocent little girls.
You stupid fuck.