I told you

I muttered the words, I love you because I do.
You took me apart piece by piece in my room.
You took me.
You took me.
I became yours.
The words 'hopelessly devoted to you' keep replaying in my head.
Because that's how I feel.

I don't know how I get here, every single time.
I don't know what it is.
To be in love with someone who will never love me back, well he says he does but I know he doesn't.
How do I always get the ones I have to chase?
or or or
How do I always end up trying to reach for something I can never fully grasp?
Someone who will never be mine.
Just mine.
To me that is torture, the greatest of pains to endure.
The love or the lust that can never be.
Our timelines, our lives can never coincide outside of the dark.
Outside of the secret, you and I are nonexistent.
What I hold so near and dear to my heart, or moreover who I hold in my heart it just in an alternate universe that only him and I know about.
What we are can never come to life.
So I can only love you in the dark, in the shadows of life.
What we have, and what we are stays behind my bedroom walls.
Because you are not mine, and you can never be.
But I am yours, almost sacrificial.
You are my sole source of love, I do not reach out to anyone but you for what I need.
I wait for your every call.
I wait in agony for the next time I will be in your embrace.
I wait anxiously for the next time I can feel your lips on mine.
I wait.
I wait.
And I wait.
For the plans we make, only for them to be cancelled because 'life happens'.
And still I am here.
For you, always for you.
I can't scream and cry, and moan or groan, or even showcase the aches and pains I feel because it's been six days too long.
I just have to wait for you to tell me when, and even then it's never long enough.
Everything is timed.
My time with you is always limited, and I never feel like I've gotten enough.
No times with you has every made me feel full or satisfied.
I'm always left with just a taste, so that I'm needing more.
More of you.
I get the scraps of your love.
I get the leftovers or whatever parts of you, you can give.
And I take from you, whatever I can get.
Because you're all that I've got.
By choice.
I've eliminated every possible contender to prove my undying loyalty to you.
There is no other, just you.
I want you to know it's just you.
But you don't, you don't trust me I can hear it in your voice.
In the words you choose to say.
I've been here before, it's never the same.
I know how this all goes.
I know what comes next.
I know what I put myself through.
I know it's all a choice, and I can stop it at any minute.
But like I've told you, and like you have seen.
I can take pain.
Only because it's all I've known.
I don't know anything else.
So I stay.
And you can probably have me for years.
But I can feel you.
I can feel when you get bored, and I watch you venture off.
Because that's you, and that's just what you do.
You have acquired taste, and it changes often.
To die for you would mean, the sufferings would end.
To live for you would mean, to endure the sufferings while living.
You asked me if I would live for you.
I agreed to live for you.
This is me free falling into the unknown.
Every single day.
Not knowing if one day will hurt more than the next.
Or will we be happy today?
It's just taking it day by day.
Not knowing what is to come next, but choosing to willingly stay no matter what.
Because I love you.
Because I need you.
Because I want you.
Because I yearn for you.
Because I ache for you.
Because I crave you.
Because I belong to you.
I gave myself to you.
I want you to know that I am yours and only yours.
I want to prove myself to you.
I want to give you what I've never given anyone else.
So here I am, for the taking.
I am willing.
For you, and only you.