sometimes

i think all my friends are fucking fagggggits
or i feel like i don't have any
or they just no longer have time for me
or they are just fucking fagggits



i have literally the shittiest most fucking worst luck with friends on the real, it's unbelievable





anyways on a lighter note
so far
SOBER: 1 week and 2 days
i'm so proud of myself FOREALS
like every single day there is some sort of temptation to get me to smoke, and i will admit that today at nancy's baby shower when cesar was begging me to smoke with him HIS TREAT, i was about to say fuck it, let's blaze!
but i didn't and it was fucking hard, and i feel like crying, cuz it's really harder than you think
from smoking every single day, more than once a day, everyday, never being sober, constantly purchasing herb with every ounce of money you got? yea, that was me.
and from doing all that, to not doing any of that is really fucking hard, and i'm sorry for cussing but writing in such graphic terms is relieving me of my weird feelings.
if it's not a phone call from someone pretaining to weed, or face to face contact with weed, or almost contact with weed, it's fucking hard.
idk what's in me that's making me say no, cuz i was as willing as i was before i woulda just blazed it.
i even got so immuned to weed that that was what would put me to sleep. i would sleep like a baby, and now i can't sleep at all, i toss and turn for hours, then read my book, then fall asleep about 1-2 or 3.


well there you go, there's a bit of my guts on the internet








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