I just want to

I just want to kill myself.
I'm dead serious.
Dead is something I'm serious about.
My eyes burn, and my heart is cold at the moment.
I can't feel anything.
I just can't.
I'm on the brink of insanity, and no one can reach me.
No one is here for me.
Everyone who said they were here for me left.
No one knows.
No one understands.
No one can comprehend.
MY FUCKING PAIN.
The pain that I wake up with every single day.
The pain that will never go away.
No matter how much I drink, no matter how much I smoke.
Nothing takes away this aching pain in my heart and in my mind.
Nothing takes away the memories that replay over and over.
I can't stop myself from retracing my steps on a daily basis of where it all went wrong.
RETRACE MY STEPS, REMEMBER WHEN YOU LEFT.
And you left, me all alone.
I can't take it, no one knows how hard it is.

Just pray for me.
Pray that I get taken in my sleep.
Not temporarily because I get taken from myself all the time.
I can't control my body, something comes over me and controls my feels, my thoughts, my words, my moves, my eyes, and my emotions.
I just want myself back, and If I can't have myself.
Then please take my life.